Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Finding My Way
Uncommon amount of the time at home,
hardly a word on the telephone.
Finally find the time to get to know you.
Still mapping it out like a master plan,
something to do with my idle hands.
Write you a letter addressed from California.
It's vivid and strong in my memory,
an absence that smacks of abandoning.
It led to the battle that ultimately destroyed us.
I'm nothing if I don't know your mistakes,
the pill is as bitter as I can take.
It twists like a blade when I leave for California.
I hope that you know this is killing me,
it's all in the name of the family.
We only can play the cards the dealer dealt us.
The end of the cycle is closing in,
with you I see new hope begin again.
There suddenly seems to be promise in California.
As heavy as all this is weighing me,
believe in the words I am promising.
I'm still here for him.
The distance is only an obstacle,
hardly a match for a miracle.
I'm finally ready to go to California.
"From California"
.The.New.Amsterdams.
I've been trying to find the words to describe how I feel about leaving Boston, about leaving home. I think this sums it up perfectly. Everytime the song plays I get chills, goosebumps, an empty feeling in my stomach. Then I cry. I think about my family, my mum and how incredibly barron she will feel once empty nest syndrome sets in. I wonder how my sister will take to her new life as a college freshman. My freshman year, my father was my rock, my last call of the day. I had a very serious boyfriend, who, in theory was suppose to be that rock. At the time, I would have said he was, but, looking back, I now see that he was an 1/8th of the person I was suppose to be with. Dating Joe, who is more like my father the more I spend time with him, makes me feel real. Makes me feel like going to California, followed by costa rica is not as selfish as I feel it is. The boy makes me feel selfless, and intellegent, and all in all real.
I wonder how my sister will find making relationships, how she will interact when she doesn't have a security blanket: her cheer squad, a boyfriend, an older sister or amazing and beautiful mother to pick her up and dust her off when she's broken.
Most of all, I wonder how my relationships will take shape with the people I leave back home. My relationships with my family can only get stronger, which is odd to think, being so far away. I will tip toe around the relationships that bring negative energy and they, like mediocre romances, will fade into the breath-taking Santa Barbara sunset. I'm ready for those sunsets, I ready for the new people that are about to change my life and for the experiences I will ensue while getting my breath taken away.
hardly a word on the telephone.
Finally find the time to get to know you.
Still mapping it out like a master plan,
something to do with my idle hands.
Write you a letter addressed from California.
It's vivid and strong in my memory,
an absence that smacks of abandoning.
It led to the battle that ultimately destroyed us.
I'm nothing if I don't know your mistakes,
the pill is as bitter as I can take.
It twists like a blade when I leave for California.
I hope that you know this is killing me,
it's all in the name of the family.
We only can play the cards the dealer dealt us.
The end of the cycle is closing in,
with you I see new hope begin again.
There suddenly seems to be promise in California.
As heavy as all this is weighing me,
believe in the words I am promising.
I'm still here for him.
The distance is only an obstacle,
hardly a match for a miracle.
I'm finally ready to go to California.
"From California"
.The.New.Amsterdams.
I've been trying to find the words to describe how I feel about leaving Boston, about leaving home. I think this sums it up perfectly. Everytime the song plays I get chills, goosebumps, an empty feeling in my stomach. Then I cry. I think about my family, my mum and how incredibly barron she will feel once empty nest syndrome sets in. I wonder how my sister will take to her new life as a college freshman. My freshman year, my father was my rock, my last call of the day. I had a very serious boyfriend, who, in theory was suppose to be that rock. At the time, I would have said he was, but, looking back, I now see that he was an 1/8th of the person I was suppose to be with. Dating Joe, who is more like my father the more I spend time with him, makes me feel real. Makes me feel like going to California, followed by costa rica is not as selfish as I feel it is. The boy makes me feel selfless, and intellegent, and all in all real.
I wonder how my sister will find making relationships, how she will interact when she doesn't have a security blanket: her cheer squad, a boyfriend, an older sister or amazing and beautiful mother to pick her up and dust her off when she's broken.
Most of all, I wonder how my relationships will take shape with the people I leave back home. My relationships with my family can only get stronger, which is odd to think, being so far away. I will tip toe around the relationships that bring negative energy and they, like mediocre romances, will fade into the breath-taking Santa Barbara sunset. I'm ready for those sunsets, I ready for the new people that are about to change my life and for the experiences I will ensue while getting my breath taken away.
// posted by .elle. @ 5:16 PM 
